31 posts from April 2008

My dearest woke up early today for some drill exercise there. I think it'd be better if there's drill everyday so he will wake up early and I won't have a hard time trying to get him up. I love doing anything for him except waking him up for school. I admit I quite dislike it.

Oh, there's no letter for me today but someone over at the forum got one and I was happy for whoever she is.

Ston is back from camp too and was engrossed in his offer. It was hard for me today to suppress my feelings of depress and trying to pull up an engaging-in-his-excitement mood which turned me into a kiddo. Quite pathetic too. He got really hyped up when he found out that this offer are made to only 60-80 students and he was lucky to get it. I got curious about the intakes too for Computer Science so I went to check it out --- as expected, it doesn't state. Eck. Ston was nice enough to cool me down, asked me to wait patiently and explained to me stuffs so as to make it feel that I still have chances, somehow. So, to kill my noob acts, everyone in the house avoid "the letter" topic.

There was something interesting Angie showed me today... something that I don't know if I should feel happy or... be concern about.

Anyway, anyone enjoying the song in my previous entry? A song for young lovers... a song that I want to share with everyone who are in love, deeply.

 

How nostalgic to remember this song once again. It goes the same with "A time for us".

As I dry my hair and trying to get myself tired for the night though my legs are already feeling so --- haven't wore heels for a while, that's why --- I went to check out the forum Angela linked me to before. Everyone over there, girls and some guys especially seems to be losing hope and they are actually the same as me who wanted to get into NTU's Computer Science or NUS' Computing badly. I noticed one already gave up although April left just one day and it's just a couple of days before May 2nd when Joint Acceptance start.

My parents are getting agitated about it too, whereas for me, I'm... not sure. I just hope "May"be good so badly but ya know, life is ironic sometimes on the fork road. You put high hopes in, you get lesser the results or zero. When you don't keep the hopes up, you wonder if it's alright to let it low because the results will definitely be low and the chances of BULL'S EYE is like 1%.

Siva added me on Facebook today and it's been long time since I talked to her, years actually. Today, I found out that she's on the same boat as me, likewise with my other friends whom I'm still in contact with from Westwood. Which made me wonder if Joint Acceptance will help us all? Will the universities ever chance upon those threads and look at the poor people who yearns to get in so badly and opens up more intake for this year?

I hope everyone on the forum who are like me gets into University. Really... Then everyone will be happy... Am I too naive to think like this? Well, I still feel like a kid anyway.

The feeling right now is different from what I had before entering RP. That time, the feeling felt worst than now because I was almost on the rim of nowhere to go and RP shed light on me and gave me a chance. Thanks to RP really, I matured, I grew, I learnt the right and wrong, I learnt too much that I felt ashame of the one whom I used to be before . Serious.

Now it's like, I've got a nice certificate that's good enough to get me a job but I'm so stubborn to core to want studying first before working. I mean temp job is fine as long as I secured myself a place. Guys are different, guys have NS so they can't do anything about it now anyway. If I'm a guy, I wouldn't be thinking about applying now too, I mean I've got time to apply, next year is fine with me but too bad, I'm a girl. I want to get things done fast and over... I'm afterall, still a workaholic person deep down inside though I slack like almost everyday because there's nothing I'm much more concern with than to get into the next level and finish it off for I have a very important reason.

Anyway, here's something unrelated --- I bought baby hairbrush today and I realized I don't know what's the proper way to use it to exfoliate. Haha. Yeah the bristles is really soft but when I tried it, probably I'm not used to having something to exfoliate so... it felt weird and so soft, I wasn't enjoying it. It spoiled my shower moment too.

Goodnight y'all.

Ahh.. It has been a long time since I use IE for any browsing and searching. It's in fact quite nice to use afterall... but that's of course, I was just being told off by bigbro for clearing the history on Firefox everyday so I thought, we might as well use different browsers and if I do get into the habit of accidently clearing again, it'll be those on IE. So he browses his and I browses mine --- should be cool.

Erm... why do I always clear the histories on Firefox? It's a habit, a habit on public computer.

 

I woke up with a terrible chest pain in the morning, probably due to the cold I had been having for the past few days, the sneezing and all. I finished up the whole box of Panadol Cold and it doesn't seem to be working but I love the drowsy effect it was giving me although it stated down that there isn't any. Hm. I wanna do a medical checkup soon and getting a Uni letter gives me a nice reason to tell my parents why I wanna do so. I suspect I may have something I don't know about myself, I'm just curious.

Also, thanks to this, mom has been asking me to get out under the sun once in a while since I've been staying home like almost everyday, awaiting for the letter. It kind of deteoriating my health right now. Hubby suggested it too and I thought, "Nah~ there's no reason for it." Thanks to CY, the opportunity came to get out as well as experiement with the new moisturizer I'm using currently under the great Sun. We had lunch and even wasted time standing somewhere in the basement of Jurong Point, wondering whether we should waste SGD7 on printing documents. Ridiculous but I could actually joined her in this discussion.  

 

It's getting warmer, don't you think? Like usual, I'm still afraid of the Sun but today was bearable since I felt comfy with the new moisturizer. I was quite worried though that my sweat was gonna drip down and create a milky way vertically/horizontally across my face but a few dap of tissue took my worries away.

 

Ah! Congratulation to CY too because she got that Orange job, a Flash programmer job I believe and the pay was something we never expected, we thought it was SGD1600 for such job, in such an -informal- company. Lucky her, she got the type of job I've been wanting to try working in too as my first. I wonder if any RP students are forming up a company like that... that does printing, graphics, web design and stuffs, ya know? I wouldn't mind joining in.

 

Well, the "MAY"be better turned true for her, when will mine be? There's no letter or offers today too.. so it's officially 29 days of waiting. I'm not trying to give up hope but dreadful waiting is quite torturous. Let's hear something from me soon... ye?

My god... I had such a big challenge last night - mild insomnia.

I slept at 12 and woke up at 8 this morning, the 8 hours in this duration was terrible! Just within the first hour, I was waking up non-stop and it was hard to go back to sleep. The next 2 hours, I was again waking up with my eyes popping open frequently and I thought I was sleeping very long but no.

It was until the last 3 hours were I able to sleep quietly.

I roughly noted down the number of times I woke up and it was 11. The number of dreams? About 4 to 6 different ones, the last one even included "Piao Piao" renovating my bedroom door frame. -____- Horrible dream.

The worse Sunday ever -- a terrible cold and headache plus a bad insomnia. I wonder what's going on? Some medication effects? Well.. I did took twice of Panadol Cold, does that matter?

CY have been calling me this few days and we kinda whine non-stop to each other with problems we have. Whining doesn't bother me but I wish we can change the topic into something better soon. Say... "Wow, I've got loads of projects on hand!", "Oh man.. so busy and tiring!" and so on. It's much better than saying, "So boring.. nothing to do.. no good news.. haiz.."

Better huh?

Last night, I realized Thurdy's been having a hard time in school with those quizzes, it made me worry. I started to wonder if I'm disturbing him in anyway because I really want him to work hard and become a flight instructor like he said he wanted to and onwards towards other promises he made to me.

Things just suddenly turned out badly.

It's like, just when I'm so freaking determined to study for our future, I'm not given a chance to see a glimpse of light yet. While Thurdy who can work on his goals, is walking on hard rubble and it's getting worse. Will the future that the both of us wants come true?

Dear Thurdy's mom and pap, I hope you're watching over us... especially him. Hubby got a really nice ambition, I want to see him achieve it one day. Then he'll be happy and won't feel lonely ever because by then, I'm by his side already with our own family. Please look after him... because I'm far.

Boring Saturday's morning, isn't it?

I'm still seeing this:

And probably I'll still see it next year without getting anywhere.

I just want to rant about stuffs right now because I'm slightly enraged by reality. Although I understand that there are quite a lot of people who are in my pitiful state but think about it.. taking in roughly 15% for each school for poly peepz, isn't the door almost ready to close up after sending out notices of acceptance in just this April?

I feel so.

Hard to stay firmly with positive thinking now after I realized what a grave mistake I made during course selection. Getting rejected feels better than getting into the wrong course although I know there's a chance to do an appeal but with my luck percentage I'm having now ---- it's definitely very low. Besides, appeal period is in the month with my birthday in it. It's a horrid month! My luck will be super low then.

June sucks, the area of effect around June makes thing worse too.

Ahh.. I can't tolerate anymoreeeee~!

Earlier on, bigbro just treated me as a "whinebag" for an hour. I knew I shouldn't ask him regarding reducing disk space and showed him the game because he ended up talking to me about my chances of getting rejected and I should start working now and I'd probably be the one who will get rejected continuously... how depressing... but he's right, I should think about my backup plan. I have one but I don't even dare to tell him.

Observing at the way bigbro thinks about me, he probably think I'm like those girls that doesn't bother about anything in life and just want it to go smoothly or someone with no aims compare to Ston. He just doesn't know... anything about me If he does... all he just need to say is he believes in me will do because I'm focus about what I want right now and I really need to get into a "U" badly. I have my reason why... I want to only walk my path.

Don't ask me to help you ask how's life in the "U" and stuffs related from him because.. I'm going to be a "whinebag" again. So, that's one of my reason why I can't get along with bigbro at all. Never can at all although I try but it always turns bad. The way I think, the way I look at life... he doesn't approves it.

It doesn't matter to me anyway but dear God... are you going to make me into that candidate that gets rejected every year? I can't be that lucky to be that candidate, can I? If it's like that, I'd rather marry Thurdy straightaway and do freelance every now and then like what Thurdy suggested! Definitely no way! I've promised myself something important, I can't betray myself!

So please, dear God, if you hear me, let me get in.. I'll believe in you, I'll kiss you and at least think you exist! Otherwise, having faith in you makes no point. Thurdy had faith in you yesterday because he wants to help me in this period too.. but are you listening to his prayers? It'd be a waste of time for him to pray for me when you're covering your ears just because you hear my name. In fact, so many people are calling your name and putting faith in you... I wonder what you did to deserve it? \(>o< )/~~~\( >o<)/ Dying for people is sinful too because you never think about yourself!

Listen, there's always a reason why your name is being used as part of a bad word. If you hate me that much, pierce that lightning right through my heart physically and tell me what wrong I did and thus deserves.

Yep, thanks for reading my rant dear readers. I was enraged for a while and my mood was super low to the extend of bringing the God in though I don't really specifically point to one person but to all in general. People praying to people, the idea is funny.

I've been thinking about it. What promises shall I make and do if I can get accepted into a "U".

And here's probably what I'll do, nothing serious, really.

1. Cut my hair.
2. Register for driving.
3. Change my glasses
4. Be nerdy.
5. Love books.
6. Study.
7. Swear to occupy 5/7 of the week on pure study and play.

Yep. That's all. Silly stuff but it's hard to do!

Sorry about this but.. DAMN! Such a speechless day today when mom called me out and showed me NTU's letter but it wasn't direct to me---Ston instead.

Ston was offered a double degree, Biomedical Sciences and Chinese Medicine. Wow. Just wow.

I'm having such a mixed feelings. I'm happy for him as well as feeling sad for myself. My parent knows how to control themselves at least so as not to hurt my feelings but I let them go wild with the topic and joined them in it as well. It's still a happy news in the family.

...and it's noticeable to see my parents trying to control. They are bad at acting.

I wonder how Ston feels?

Though I'm down with rash and not able to enjoy the wind blowing my skin... but today is Earth Day!

It's probably my silly thinking but I felt today was different. I kept on having thoughts of a massive moisturized rainforest sitting in the middle of the Earth with the roots wrapping around the globe. Ye, it may be another 'no letter' day for me and I kind of over-reacted just now too while chatting with Angela, Jason and CY but I was able to calm quickly though the itch is bothering me badly.

A couple of days ago, Angela led me to a forum where users voiced down who got the letter of offers and who haven't. It did affected me after I read it but I got interested to know more since I'm one of them poor souls as well.

You know, I really don't want to have any backup plans. The cost of preparation of that backup plan is huge... I've really thought it over and I seriously don't want to touch it unless I'm at my wit ends. Probably dad really allowed it but... I don't see how or where can he fork up enough for me. It's an amount I don't even dare touching unless I'm buying a private jet for hubby as an anniversary present 40 years down the road if I'm still alive.

A jet costs more right? Definitely haha.

But... I'm looking forward to a letter because that means I won't get to touch the backup. I'll feel at ease that way. I can continue to build what I want being close to the people I want to be close with. I know... Thurdy's far. Maybe we can't get together now but I strongly feel after being busy, I can happily be with him.

Last night, after chatting with an Australian friend... I'm so enthusiastic about studying and getting what I want. I'm serious.

How about you?