15 posts tagged “me”
The night tonight is a little lonely... Ston went back to camp, my parents are asleep, bigbro went out, the TV is turned off and I'm alone at my workdesk, enjoying the peaceful moment I seldom get. Sometimes, just being alone does bring chills up my spine, sometimes I just can't help imagine if one day I'm all alone. Sometimes.. sometimes..
It's been a while since I sat in my workspace, quietly, concentrating on graphics work (not counting the time I was helping Min out, that was a little crappy). It felt just like being in Ben's class once again, nostalgic.
Shi Jin gave me the required details this afternoon. I managed to figure out the mess in the documents and spent the whole late afternoon working out on just the flyer. :/ Ai~yaya, I'm such a slow worker. With no idea in mind, I practically placed my faith on fonts to bring the flavour out from the design (that's not nice, I know) and downloaded over 11+ fonts from the net, heh.
Like usual, whenever I work on something, say graphic, I'm impressed with, I'll produce several results of the same thing for my "client" to choose. So, I ended up with like 5 results of just the flyer's design and my brain was totally burnt out in the end. I wonder if I can still do up the poster tonight? Hmm..
As I work, I realized I can only do well in graphics if I'm doing it for friends or myself... provided I'm interested in the idea as well. Ah! Can I keep this design and put it as my portfolio? :p
Today, I was hugging on to the new bag again. I guess I'm loving it. :)
Trust will grow back again because I love him.
I was thinking about it... guess I'll drop the matter. If they want to say, I don't have to ask already. It's up to the both of them to see if they want to tell me and put an end to this game.
I'm tired of getting whole load of confusion when I'm in an unsure situation at the moment. Just wanna keep a super low profile, like right now, no brothers around and my parents are sleeping, the house turned into such a peaceful place as though I'm living alone.
Probably, it's all meant to be. When hubby is here, we shall pay a visit to dear Michael then. I just hope hubby feels better when he wakes up which should be around the time now to wash up and go for work.
So worry for him as well.
It's hard to give my full trust on Thurdy right now after what I found out yesterday night. If he's here, intending to explain everything to me --- I'm so going to beat him up to pulp but I'm glad... this is not happening now. I don't wish to do so either...
I don't know who is Marko anymore too, I don't know if he's trustworthy.. what is going on?... I really don't know. Probably the both of them treated me as an outsider. Maybe..
I don't know who is lying and who is not. I just don't know now. In the end, I was the silly dumb one that got dragged in.
Early birthday gift from mama, Auntie Lian and Big Auntie. $30 gained.
Argg.. I felt pure stupidity and fatness of myself. I hope Thurdy don't feel bad and concentrate on his test. I'd be guilty if he didn't do well for today and it will be my fault definitely. I don't have the intention to make the start of his day sucked. I was wrong to get mad at him earlier on when I was trying to wake him up over MSN (I hated doing this so much but still when the clock hits 6, I'll spam him messages like an MSN-Alarm thing).
Probably the frustration of downloading and backing up my work from LEO this afternoon made me cranky. I went berserk pressing my keyboard buttons, got really worry that he was not replying, thinking that he was still sleeping and don't want him to be late for his test.
The berserk limit dried out and I got mad. I went offline straight away but got back in thinking that probably it was my MSN being laggy. I was still worry. When I got in back and spammed a couple more messages, there was no reply from him either until he finally replied he was all set to leave for school which made me went uber mad about it. I was thinking, "Why didn't you at least reply me with something to let me wait for you?". At least, that will calm my mind of worries and madness.
So, I told him that I was mad but I don't want to talk about it anymore since he was getting late and asked him to rush off right away. Thinking about it again, it was my fault. I still shouldn't have get mad about it but really, waking him up over MSN is irritating. Hubby just got to start loving his alarm otherwise, I'll make him do so.
It's not that I hate waking him up but bringing this into MSN really kills me. I'd rather wake him up when I'm close to him or die than to do anymore MSN-Alarm for him. Ahh... the distance is getting into my nerves like a poison but I got to relax. I got to... for the sake of our future.
Oh yea, I can download my work off from LEO when I was on the main desk but on lappy, it was impossible. That's good, one task off the list.
I've been wanting to talk about my 2 mommies - one blood-related and one not official yet but.. that's Thurdy's mommy.
The blood-related mommy is a fierce looking woman according from what my ex-schoolmates commented and is not a spendthrift. She's quite a saver and taught me how to lie. :) She taught me not to trust me people easily and by default, everyone should be treated as an enemy plus numerous other stuffs which she prefers to hint it and let me figure it out myself than telling it to me directly. She's quite a person who gets worry easily and loves to eavesdrop on topics that we don't talk to her about but to dad. She's not a good morale supporter but she tries. Hmm.. this roughly sums up about her.
The not official mommy is Thurdy's mom. In my mind, I feel that she's a lovely person who yearns for her passed away husband badly. She lets Thurdy to be with me and even played online games with me while Thurdy was away which made me feel that that's so cool! Although I haven't meet her before and I never can already but through Thurdy's photo album, she's still a cool figure in my mind that brought up a son with such great ambition. So, if you ask me what's the first thing I'll do when I'm in the US, that's definitely to visit Thurdy's parent's grave and plant some sweet smelling lavender if it's possible around it or roses. I believe she's looking over me too, she had seen my pictures and hear my voice before. :)
Hmm.. yesterday, Thurdy brought roses for her. It was lovely. :)
"Blessing in disguise".
Although pap and Thurdy haven't meet each other yet but sometimes, the thing they thought, concern and mention about to me... clicks. They're like my 2 palms in my life. Thurdy said it's because pap's gonna be his pap too. Yea.. :)
Thurdy had been mentioning it the whole time this May just to cool me down... and I was looking at our conversation about it again. Times and times, he kept on telling me but my mind was close and wasn't taking in his suggestion. When I read it again, it really tells me how dumb I had been for a while...
Since the first day of May, although I haven't got any letter yet but he had been concerning already. I wonder why I'm not thinking that way then? With a stubborn and close mind, that's why.
But earlier on... Thurdy's last (probably) blessing in disguise reminder to me is in this story form which created a deep impact. I hope my mind will open up soon.
Whereas for dad, he said blessing in disguise as well this morning when he was trying to comfort me while typing an email for me. I wasn't listening to him much since I was surprise at such a coincident but I guess he's just telling me the same thing too -- think positively no matter what. He's supporting, Thurdy's supporting, I'm lucky, right?
The only too bad will be not being able to start studying this year and it shouldn't matter to me much. There's always next year and the year after next and after next and loads.. I'm just too concern about certain things that makes me so determined to do it now.
Funny, there's no trojan popping up today. Is it gone?
I went out to get my stuffs(tops) today - finally. My parents had been waiting for me to make an action about it and I finally got a nice time for it. :) Honestly, I never like shopping. It's the most boring thing ever except when I'm shopping for goods in a game market. So, I was practically skimming through all the boutique and any clothing shops in the mall today and take those that my eyes feel comfortable with, never even bother to stop and admire or pick and check it out. That's my style of shopping. The same when I'm shopping for food, never take a second to check. Heh.. (not.. so good?)
I've got 4 tops and guess what, I've got something that I never thought I'd get at all. After 15 years, I'm finally back to my old sanity? I got myself a dress. Yea.. a dress. My dad made me. It was so hard to get me inside the store and to even try wearing one but I ended up with one anyway because I was paid to. :) Now, that change my mind. Damn, it was so hard to wear a dress when I was in the fitting room. It was small and the dress was meant for the thin. I swear it felt like putting on maternity wear, that sales lady was laughing about it when she heard me. And I bought the one the model was wearing. Great, my very first piece of dress after 15 years. I hope that means something good.
Hmm 15 years... I remember I loved dress before and I vaguely remember why I ended up hated it as well. I had a pervertic uncle who likes laying on the floor. I guess you get the idea.
I mentioned before that 30th was not a good date. Never it is, it is too long. I am not glad that we have a longer time to prepare our slides but my laziness is kicking in quickly than I thought and it is uncontrolable. For me yea, it is UNCONTROLABLE. Well, so much so that I have gotten lazy to get out of the house to buy some New Year's clothings.
I wish everything can be bought online then life will be so much more easy. No, I wish technology evolves the city faster then we will be living in conditions like "GitS". Cyborgs and all, cool isn't it?
God, I'm so lazy right now. I know I know, I'm trying hard to think properly.
By the way, why would anyone buy a graduation gown at all when it's just a piece of gown silky cloth over your body? Compare to a wedding gown, wedding gown is much more worth it. I'd pay for that. I don't think I'm attending the ceremony if I'm going to pay for a piece of cloth, practically not worth it.
The most sad thing will be I have to go down to school to collect my transcript... gosh.. don't they have postal service? -_______-
